#Why didn't I pick a job where I can just sit at a computer all day and not have to talk to anyone

[pigaletta]

.

[samandcolbyownme]

Summary: anon request - "can you write a smut for johnnie guilbert??"

Prompt: Johnnie and reader get into an argument which leads to make up sex.

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, arguing, hair pulling, pet names (dirty and cute), oral (m rec), unprotected rough makeup sex, filth

Word count: 2.6k | not edited

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Johnnie has been working on editing his and Jake's video all day.

You think, no. You knew he forgot about them.

It wouldn't be as big of a deal if this was only the first time, maybe even the second or third - But it wasn't.

Over the last few weeks, you've had to either cancel or forget about plans because of Johnnie putting majority of his time into his computer screen rather than you.

You didn't really talk to anyone about it, or say anything to Johnnie, mainly because this is his job and you didn't think you had any room to bitch.

You checked your phone, sighing at the time - twenty minutes past reservation.

You used to remind him, then after the thirteenth, fourteenth, and fifteenth time, you decided that he should be able to put down the computer for an hour or two on his own, so you decided to just let things go.

You never really blamed him, sometimes it was because he actually had deadlines to make, or a video he and Jake were doing ran long.

But when that wasn't the case, you used yourself as an excuse - not feeling well, didn't sleep good the night before, something simple yet believable.

You rise up from the couch, walking towards Johnnie's room. You pass Jake in the hallway and he makes a joke you're in no mood for, "Fix your face, you look pissed."

His laughter is silenced when you roll your eyes, "I am."

"Uh oh."  Jake puts his hands on his hips, shifting his weight onto his right leg, "What did Johnnie do?"

You shake your head and cross your arms, looking away from him because you didn't want him to see the frustrated tears in your eyes.

"Am I going to hear yelling?" He asks and you nod, laughing slightly, "Probably."

"Shit." He sighs, "Well if you need backup, just yell- ooh. We should have a code word."

You stare at him, trying not to laugh as he taps his chin, "Hippopotamus."

"Hippop- Jake. Really?" You laugh and he shrugs, "Well yeah, if you just scream hippopotamus, that will for sure throw him off even more, then I can come in with an open can of whoop ass."

He moves his hands in front of him, a serious look on his face that you just cannot take serious, "Okay. I don't think I'll need it, but I appreciate the support."

You pat his shoulder, watching him walk away before taking a deep breath, returning to what you were originally doing.

You stop in front of Johnnie's door, composing yourself so you don't go in, already lit like a fire cracker.

You know twice before opening the door, "Hey."

Johnnie has his headphones on, so he probably didn't hear you. You walk in, closing the door behind you. You walk over to him, gently tapping him on the shoulder.

"Jesus fu-" he jumps and looks up at you, "Jesus Christ, babe." He sighs, "Scared the fucking shit out of me."

"Sorry." You smile slightly and sit on the bed, "Whatcha doin'?"

He pulls his headphones down around his neck, "Just working on getting this video out."

You nod, "Cool. Cool.”

You look around his room, picking at your nails as you try and figure out how to calmly start the conversation.

"What's wrong?" Johnnie asks turning his chair towards you. You look over at him and shrug, "We just.." you laugh slightly, "It's not really funny, but we missed our dinner reservation."

He looks in the corner of his computer, "Oh fuck. I'm sorry." He looks up, "Why didn't you tell me?"

You scoff, raising your brows as you lower your voice, "I shouldn't have to."

"What? Sorry. I didn't quite hear you clearly." Johnnie closes his lap top and sets it on the desk.

You roll your eyes, lying back with a groan, "I'm not arguing with you Johnnie."

"I'm sorry, I must missed the part where I said we were?" He takes his headphones from around his neck,  setting them on top of his closed computer.

You sit up, letting out a sigh, "I said, I shouldn't have to tell you when we have plans, Johnnie." You let your hands fall into your lap with a slap, "I let it go for a while, only because I didn't think I have a right to be mad, but you constantly editing and this or that is effecting us."

"So what.. are you saying?" He stares at you with a solid look, "You're going to leave? All because I'm doing my fucking job?"

"No." Your words come out louder than you intended, "I never fucking said I was leaving, Johnnie. All I said was that I shouldn't have to fucking remind you time and time again that we have plans for us. You and me. Boyfriend and fucking girlfriend!"

"Other than right now, name one fucking time me doing this made us miss out on something." He motions for you to take the floor and you sigh.

"Sam and Colby were throwing a party, I told them you had a deadline to make so we wouldn't make it. Tara was throwing a party, I told her I didn't feel good because you stayed up all night and half the day working on a video. Last week we missed out on dinner, again, because you didn't pay attention to the time. Two weeks ago, Jake wanted us to go with him to one of his other friend's parties, but you decided to get on and stream. Do you want me to keep going?" You raise your brows and lean forward slightly, "Because I can."

Johnnie laughs, "So.. you're telling me that you couldn't just come to me an hour or so before and tell me to get off? You're just blaming me for every time you missed out on going when you could have just gone yourself?"

"You want me to go to dinner, for two..  alone?" You tilt your head back, "You are being so unbelievable right now."

You stand up and Johnnie's eyes follow you. Your hands go to your hips as you pace back and forth, "I'm trying to get you to understand that I want- I need time with you, too Johnnie."

"You get time with me, y/n. I don't understand why you're so worked up over me d-"

"Because it's all you fucking do Johnnie. You're always filming a video. Editing a video. Uploading a video. Something with a stupid video." You turn to face him, "I want to go out to dinner, enjoy time with just us. Do you think I want to go to parties alone? It's no fun when I don't have you there."

He sighs, looking down, "So.." he looks up at you, "You waited until it was what, twenty minutes or so after our reservation time to come in here and make a huge scene that could have been avoided?"

You laugh, mouth dropped open as you stare at him, "Are you ever going to actually listen to what I'm saying or am I just wasting my breath being a broken record?"

"I am listening, you're just not getting what I'm saying, y/n."

"No. Trust me. I get it. Loud and clear." You motion to his computer, "I'll just leave you to it then."

You turn to walk towards the door, reaching to open it but Johnnie's hand stops you, "Don't."

"Don't what? Leave so I can sit here in silence while you continue to do what got us here in the first place?" You turn your head to look at him and he shakes his head, "No."

He grabs your wrist, pulling you towards the bed, "Were done talking about this."

"No.. I don't think we a-"

He cuts you off with his lips on yours. His hands pull your waist into him, "We're done talking for right now."

"You can't ju-"

"Don't run your mouth anymore, and I won't run mine anymore." He kisses down your neck, "We can talk after we get all of this frustration out."

A smile creeps into your lips, even though you're still mad. But, no worries. Johnnie will take care of that for you right away.

"Fine." You give in, sitting down on the bed. You pull him with you, his body hovering over yours, "Shut me up."

He smirks, tilting his head, "Gladly." He sits up on his knees, taking off his shirt. His hands move to his belt and you sit up to replace his hands with your own.

You glance up at him as you undo his jeans, biting your lip as you anticipate what's about to happen.

He nods towards the floor and you pull your legs out from in between his and move, dropping to the floor as he stands up.

He pushes his jeans down, and you move over to him, pulling down his boxers before he sits down on the edge of the bed.

He leans back, holding his weight up with his hands as he watches you move in between his legs. He sucks in a sharp breath as you wrap your hand around his cock.

His eyes following you as you lean in, sticking your tongue out to lap at the head of it. He groans lowly, balling up the blanket in his fists, "Fuck."

You work him into your mouth, coating him with your spit as his jaw hangs slack, "That's it."

You lift your head, moving your hand up and down to coat him fully before leaning back in to bob your head up and down.

His eyes flutter shut as a moan escapes quietly.

You look up at him, dragging your tongue up the underside of his cock as you tilt your head back.

"All the way in, babe." Johnnie places a hand on the back of your head, gently nudging you to come back for more.

You lick your lips, leaning in to take his cock back into your mouth. You bob your head, working further and further down, until you can feel him in your throat.

He groans, stroking the back of your head as you hold yourself there. You squeeze your eyes shut, digging your nails into his thighs before you pop back off, glancing up at him before going back in.

You lift your head, bobbing your head slowly as your tongue flattens against his cock.

"Fuck. Why didn't we just do this first.." He gasps as you sink your head all the way onto him, groaning as bucks his hips slightly, "Fuck okay. Okay."

He lifts your head, cupping your cheeks as he nods to the bed, "Get undressed then lay down."

You move to your feet quickly, pulling your shirt over your head before fumbling to undo your pants. You kick them off, getting ready to climb onto the bed when Johnnie stops you.

"Ah, ah. Panties too, sweetheart."

You nod, pushing them down and kicking them off before finally climbing onto the bed. You turn, facing him as you sit down.

He moves up in front of you, leaning in to kiss your neck. He pushes your body back as he moves his over yours.

He kisses down your chest and over to your boob, taking your nipple between his teeth. You gasp as he bites down, hands moving to his hair to mess it up more, "J-Johnnie.."

You whine, slightly moving your hips, "Please."

He kisses back up, to your lips, moving to lay beside you. He rolls you over so you're laying on your side, hand sliding under your thigh to lift up your leg.

You bite your lip as his hand slides down your body, stopping at your clit to rub small circles onto it.

You arch your back away from his chest, "P-please."

He rests his chin against your head as he slides his fingers down to dip them inside of you, “We don’t need to argue.” His voice is light, quiet, “We should always just fuck it out..”

He slowly moves his fingers in and out, “And then talk. Doesn’t that sound much better?”

You nod, “Y-yeah. So much better.”

“That my girl.” He kisses your head and moves his hand to grab his cock, rubbing it against your pussy a few times before slowly slipping in, “Fuck.”

His arm slides over your waist, hold you to him as he pushes in. You tilt your head back and his lips meet your neck, sucking a spot which earns an even louder moan from you.

“Fuck..” you breathe out, “Johnnie..”

He groans lowly, tightening his grip as he starts to thrust. Your foot rests on his leg as you keep your leg raised, moaning with each of his thrusts.

You lay your hand on his arm, digging your nails in as his thrusts grow harder.

“F-fuck.” You whimper, “Keep going.”

He moans, digging his fingers into your skin, “You feel so fucking good.” He pulls you closer to him as you push your hips back, dragging your nails down his arm , “Yes, yes, yes!”

He pushed your body forward, sitting up and getting on his knees behind you. He pulls your hips up, quickly placing his cock back into you.

Your cheek rests against the bed as you moan, pulling the blanket as his thrusts go right back to being rough.

Your eyes roll back, a string of moans leaving your lips in a constant loudness.

You yelp out as his hand makes contact with your ass with a hard smack. He brings his leg up, giving his cock a new angle that drives you absolutely crazy.

“Such a good fucking girl.” He groans out as he tilts his head back. He brushes his hair from his face before reaching up to grab a handful of your hair.

You tilt your head back, lifting your self up onto your elbows, “F-fuck. Fuck.”

“Wait for me, baby.” Johnnie moans, “Almost there.”

He tugs your hair, pushing his cock all the way, pausing for a second before continuing to thrust, “Shit.”

He lets go of your hair, gripping your hips. You moan, trying hard not to cum like he wants. You push your hips back, whining out as he makes it harder, “P-please.”

Johnnie’s thrusts grow sloppy, “Cum for me.”

Not even the end of his words and you’ve already let go, becoming a whimpering, moaning mess under him as you squeeze his cock repeatedly.

A few seconds later, he pulls out, spilling his cum onto your lover back and ass.

“Fuck.” He strokes himself a few times before falling back and sitting down. You lay down, trying to control your breathing and he lays a hand on your thigh, “I’m sorry for not listening to you.”

“I’m sorry for coming off bitchy.” You laugh slightly, “I was just..” you pause for a second and sigh, “I let my frustration get the best of me.”

“I don’t blame you. I haven’t been fully with us lately, and I promise that..” he taps your leg with each word, “..right now, you have my attention whenever you want it.”

You turn your head to look at him, “You promise?” You hold out your pinky and he smiles as he wraps his around yours, “I promise.”

As Johnnie gets up to get something to wipe off with, Jake yells from the other side of door, “y/n? Do you need a hippopotamus?”

Johnnie looks at you super confused and you can’t help but laugh, “I’ll explain then.”

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

This is my first ever Johnnie one shot, so please let me know how you liked it! I’m interested to hear what you have to say!

Thank you for reading! Love you all! 🖤

Likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[leah-lover]

Second chances.

Alexia putellas x coach!reader.

Part 1. Part 2

Summary : what happened that night.

4 years ago 

“ stop staring at me and focus on the meeting.” you subtly text your girlfriend from across the room. You were sitting behind the computer so that you can control the slides and she was sitting with the rest of the team. You shoot each other a quick smile and redirect your focus towards the presentation. Once the meeting is over you grab your laptop and head towards the entrance. You were then stopped by Jorge vilda. “ As a part of my coaching staff I expect you to be present at my meetings not just with your body but also with your mind.” you look at him confused. “ giggling and smiling at your phone while I was talking is not acceptable.” 

“ sir it was just one text.” you try to justify yourself. “ Well tell your boyfriend that while you are in camp this team is your number 1 priority.” you didn't have a chance to say anythiçng because he left as soon as he finished talking. You brush off his comments and text your girlfriend about her whereabouts. You then head to her room as she instructed you. When you enter you put your laptop on the table and find your usual place next to her body. You nuzzle on her chest and just lay there as she strokes your hair. 

“ tough day?” she asked alexia. 

“ something like that.” you respond. You then turn around so that you can face her. 

“ Your free kicks were amazing today at practice. You might even be the number 1 in the upcoming games. your reaction time is also over the charts. It's near perfect.” 

“ This is becoming my favorite thing in camp.” 

“ what me telling you about how good you are?” 

“ no, you sharing the bed with me.” 

“ You know I can't stay for long. If he finds out about us we both are out of jobs.” 

“ how would he know? Please just tonight and I won't ask you again. I really need you.” Once alexia asked something of you you couldn't say no. Besides, you really missed her. “ okay but just for tonight.” you then kiss her and cuddle with her for the rest of the night. *

Since you didn't come back to your room your phone died. So as soon as you sneaked out of alexia’s room, headed to yours and plugged it in. Once you got out of the shower you unlocked it to find 10 missed calls, and 6 messages from none other than vilda. You panic as you open the messages. 

Why are you not answering? Why are you not in your room? Where are you? I can't keep looking for you all night? Fine if you don't answer i will go look for answers myself? 

Your heartbeat was faster than it had ever been.  You take a deep breath change out of your robe and pick up your phone to call him. 

“ conference room now.” he says as soon as he picks up leaving you no room for debate. 

Once you go to the conference room in which you were alone with him. He pointed to a chair so you sit there he doesn't though he kept standing. You found yourself speechless. 

“ I employ you with my team because I trust you. I think you have good judgment. But you failed me.” you feel a lump form in your through. “ You failed  me not only with your choice of lifestyle but also who you choose to corrupt and involve with you in this messed up situation. .” you close your eyes so that you won't cry while he still stands in front of you. “ I gave you a job, a   good one. I thought you were my right hand and that you would replace me when i decide to leave. But forming an indecent relationship  with one of my players is off limits.” you feel a knife jam in your heart and a tear leaves your eye. “ Your relationship is wrong and shouldnt have happened. You are lucky I like you so I am gonna give you a chance to change. Break up with her and apologize to me and you can keep your job and she won't be called up anymore. 

His last sentences changed your stance from scared to angry. 

“ Who the hell do you think you are?” you snap. 

“ I am the one who gave you two jobs and I am the one who can take it away from you. Plus I am trying to correct your choice of lifestyle because it is wrong.” 

“ choice of lifestyle. You have to be fucking kidding me. I love alexia putellas, i love a woman. Does it bother you that I love her?  Well go fuck yourself because nothing will tear us apart. And if you take this job away from me I will sue you even if it's the last thing I will do in life.” you were angry and furious. 

“ Nobody wants you here. The players feel uncomfortable because of your new relationship as confessed by the captain last night. So sue me if you want you won't win. Now hand over your badge, get your stuff and leave. You are fired." His blast words left you lifeless. “ as confessed by the captain last night” last night you were sleeping with alexia so it had to irene. You move on autopilot and almost break her door as you knock so hard. Once she stood in front of you you didn't find it in you to scream or fight. 

“ why?” you ask, sounding defeated. 

“ He asked me where you were and he threatened to kick me out of the team.” she said calmly. 

“ So you rat me and your friend out. You couldn't have told him I went for a run. We are friend irene. I didn't think you would betray me like that. I trusted you with the thing I love most in life and you took it away from me so that you could protect yourself. You could have lied.” you say crying. 

“ It was all bound to be exposed with time.” 

“ Is that what you are going to tell yourself so that you can sleep at night? You didn't have to tell him that my relationship made you uncomfortable. You didn't have to tell him anything.   You ruined my life irene. I lost my job because of you. I will never forgive you for that. never. “ you turned your back and left. You went to Alexia's room after. Once she saw your red eyes she took you in for a hug. In her warmth you cried. You cried because of Irene's betrayal. You cried because you lost your job. You cried because you lost everything. 

“ I love you. I love so much amor.” the way alexia said it felt weird to you so you got out of her hold and looked at her. She wiped the tears from your cheeks and took your lips for a searing kiss. She kissed you with so much passion and hunger it left your lips red. 

“ Alexia, what's wrong?” you ask concerned. 

“ He talked to me and asked me to choose between you and the team and I chose the team.” she said with tears in her eyes. 

“ why is it that everybody say things so calmly like its nothing? Is my love for you worth  nothing?” 

“ My whole family, my father’s legacy, everyone depends on me to make them proud. I need to stay in the team for them.” 

“ And what about me? Is everything we dreamt about gone in the wind?”

“ This is more painful than I could have ever imagined. I never thought we would have to leave each other. But my family comes first.” 

Her words cut through your heart and left nothing behind. You kiss her again for the last time; go to your room, collect your things and leave the hotel without talking to anyone. You felt your heart turn to stone as you saw the hotel in your rearview mirror. That day you lost your job, your life, your dream, your purpose, your love and also your heart. That day destroyed you without mercy. 

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

just a girl 1

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as possible cheating, low self-esteem, noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: you move in with your sister when your luck turns for the worst.

Characters: Walter Marshall, possible Andy Barber

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

It isn't your proudest moment. You don't have many of those. There is little remarkable about, nothing of note, nothing admirable. You might stand a bit taller than most but it's rarely given as a good thing. 

You never expected much of life. You resigned yourself to living in the shadows. In particular, you knew you would always bet outshone by your sister's light. You can't hate her for it; it's your own shortcoming. Besides, no one can hate Riannon, she's just that nice. 

You are dark smear on the family name. It's why you didn't even think to ask your parents for help. You didn't even ask your sister, she offered, insisted really. You could never deny her and in this instant, you couldn't afford any other option. 

It’s just for a while, you keep telling yourself. You’ll find a new job and a place soon. For now, you’ll just stay out of the way. It isn’t very hard; you take up much more room than your few possessions. 

You keep yourself holed in the guestroom as you settle into your second day. You have your laptop on your thighs as you scroll the job boards. You have the experience but you expect your reference would be any good. You didn’t exactly end on cordial terms. Starting from square one, though the industry isn’t exactly even ground for men and women alike. 

You hunker down to search through the various postings within your purview. Every classification is ticked off, even the years, it’s just that little note about contacting your previous employers that makes you nervous. Well, you at least have to try. 

A knock comes at the door as you edit your cover letter once again. You sit up and close the computer. You slide it aside and get up. You cross the room and crack the door open. You sister smiles from the other side. 

“Am I making too much noise?” You ask as your music plays music from its tiny speaker. 

“No, no, not at all. Um, so you know Andy is out of town for the day so it’s just us,” she rocks, “and there’s a barbecue down the street so... I thought you could get to know the neighbourhood.” 

You look down at her, the offer catching you off guard. You were prepared to spend the whole day hidden away and poring over job listings. Even when you had your own place, you tended to spend most of your own time inside. 

Still, she is doing you a huge favour and it would be rude to say no. You shrug, “okay.” 

“Great, I have some potato salad I'm bringing,” she chirps.  

“Uh,” you look at her blue checkered capris and pristine white blouse, “should I change?” 

“It’s up to you. I'm just going to get packed up. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” 

Her excitement is palpable. She probably expected you to say no. You don’t want to let her down again. You’re tired of that feeling. 

You close the door as she bounces away and you retreat to search through your still unpacked suitcase. Your clothes hang over the sides. You pick out a band shirt and a pair of dark grey jeans. You don’t have any shorts and you know your repertoire of dark colours only draws in the sun’s fury, and like of the vaunted HOA, but you don’t have many options. 

You emerge with a pair of converse in hand and head into the kitchen. Rhiannon snaps the lid onto a big bowl as she beams up at you. You don’t understand how you share the same blood, she’s so different than you. Where you’re tall and gangly, she’s small and dainty; where your dour and reticent, she’s bright and bubbly. Your parents even kidded that you must’ve been switched at the hospital. 

“Ready?” She asks. 

You nod and look down at yourself. 

“If you want to borrow a skirt or something, it’s pretty hot out.” 

“It’s fine.” 

You don’t take her offer as any comment on your choice, only genuine concern. If it was your mom, you would know it was more than that. To be fair, your mother is very direct with her critiques. Besides, even if her clothes would fit you, you don’t want to risk ruining any of her things. 

“Alrighty, well, Marge will kill me if I’m late again,” she sings and sweeps around with the bowl. “It’ll be nice to get out, huh?” 

“Mhmm,” you grumble and follow her down the hall to the front door. 

She steps into her wedged sandals as you sit to pull on your converse and lace them up. You stand and get the door for her as she prances towards it. She thanks you and you trail her out. The sun hits you like fire. It’s so hot, though you think some of the heat comes from your own self-consciousness. 

As you catch up to your sister at the bottom of the steps, you slow down to keep from outpacing her shorter legs. Even with her platformed soles, she’s still ahead shorter than you. You turn down the sidewalk as you shy away from the strange faces headed in the same direction. 

“You want me to carry that?” You offer. 

“Hey, I might be small but I can handle a salad,” she chirps. 

“I know, I wasn’t--” 

“I’m teasing. It’s fine, I got it,” she assures you as she hugs the bowl to her stomach, “I just want you to have a good day. Don’t think about everything else, okay?” 

“Mm, okay,” you keep your head down as you slink next to her jouncing steps, “sorry, I'll try not to be too grim.” 

“Whatever, you’re awesome,” she nudges you with her elbow, “you just be yourself and I know you’ll find some good friends around here.” 

You try to smile but it hurts. She always sees the best in others, even when it’s not there. You keep pace with her and turn up another curated lawn. The walk is perfectly laid and the blossom tree sways overhead. 

Rhiannon is welcomed through the open gate by one of those blonde women she has her book club with and you shuffle in with your hands in your pockets. You feel the woman’s harsh gaze and peek up. She looks at you the same way your mother does. Her name is Marge and her friend is Callie and there are dozens of the Stepford-like figures posted throughout the yard. 

“Come, let’s put your salad out,” Marge insists. 

Rhiannon looks at you and you chew your cheek, “go, I'll be fine.” 

She looks reluctant but you’re already walking away. You ignore the smell of sausage and beef rising from the barbeque and the splash and laughter of children from the pool. You aren’t going to find any friends here. That much is clear. Housewives and little kids, you don’t really fit the bill. 

You find your way to the far end of the lawn and stand by a tree you might just blend into. Or maybe you might bury yourself in the rose bushes. You pull your hands from your pockets and hook your fingers into your belt loops, swaying as you watch a bumble bee hover over the grass. 

“Foo Fighters, huh?” A low drawl brings your head up as a man approaches with a beer bottle in hand. 

“Um, yeah,” you look down at your shirt, tugging on the hem. 

“You go to a show?” He asks as he stops near you, drinking from the bottle as he waits for your answer. 

“Never been to one,��� you cross your arms, “but I listen to them.” 

“Ah, yeah, well, they put on a hell of a show,” he wiggles the bottle as he talks, “lot more fun than these things.” 

You look up the yard towards the mingling of voices and sound. Despite your efforts to hide in a corner, you must have stuck out like a sore thumb. Shoot, maybe he thinks you’re trespassing. 

“I came with my sister,” you point and shift towards the party, “sorry, um, Rhiannon. I didn’t... I was just looking at the roses.” 

“Not my party,” he scoffs, “I don’t care.” 

“Oh,” you blink and look at him. He's about your height, dark curly hair, and vibrant blue eyes. His dark beard is thick and stubble prickles along his neck. He wears a plain white shirt and jeans; the bare minimum. “Right, er, well...” 

“Not a bad idea, hiding behind a tree,” he remarks, “but you're missing the key ingredient.” 

He stops and stares, crooking a brow as if you should know what he means. 

“Alcohol,” he raises his bottle, “they got a keg even. Probably the only good part about these bull—these things.” 

“I don’t drink,” you mutter, “but thanks.” 

You put your head down and stare at the grass around his shoes. You don’t know why he’s bothering you if it isn’t to make you leave. Obviously, you don’t belong. 

“Never too late to start,” he snorts and stays as he is. 

You don’t know how to make him leave you alone so you say nothing. The bee dips into a tulip’s mouth and you turn to watch it. Maybe he’ll take your silence as a hint. 

[heartfullofleeches]

What if incel reader wants to turn a new leaf but V is making that extremely hard since he's fueling reader's gaming addiction and reader decides to leave him, albeit very reluctantly

(Angst time)

[Guys, I just got my first job! Didn't think anything would come in so soon since I just got my degree. Dont know when I'll have the time to log on, but I'll miss you. Take care.]

It happened again. This is exactly why you rarely played multiplayer anymore. Time and time again, people would detail their milestones in life, never to be seen again. New career. A baby. The list went on and on and on. It made you think about your life. Quitting your job and leeching off someone who gave you his all to play video games nearly twenty four hours a day. It's pathetic. You're pathetic- but you dont want things to stay this way.

You tried so hard to turn yourself around. Applying to jobs in the area, cutting back on your time online. The jobs never got back to you and V would remind you of a new dlc coming to a game you loved, pulling you right back in. V. You don't want to admit it. You wished for a reality where it wasn't true, but he was your biggest obstacle. His care, as well meaning as it was, was weighing you down and leaving you forever a shell of the person you were growing to be. If you wanted to get better, you'd have to let him go.

"H-hey, V. There's something I need to talk to you about. Before I start, I need to say that it isn't you. I love you, but I can't do this. Maybe, in a few years we can meet up and start over, but for now I-"

You choke. Tears flow in your reflection. You break down, crying over the bathroom sink for the millionth time. Even in practice, you can't stop yourself from falling apart. Your cries rebound against the walls, through the crack in the door where angry eyes watch as you wilt away on the bathroom floor. They're torn between comforting you, and breaking your computer to atoms. As much as it bound you to him, V always knew there was a possibility that it could tear you apart just as easily. He decides to take the third option, and quietly leaves the house.

-

"Fuck. Fuck. FUCK."

V slams his fist into the steering wheel. He claws at his skin, picking at his filth ridden body and attempting to relieve his air flow as he hyperventilates. You can't leave him. You can't. He can't go back to watching you from afar, wondering how you feel beneath his touch. Having that beautiful grin directed at him. He felt horrible to see you in so much pain, but he refused to accept fault. To let you go. He just had to ease up, give you some of the freedom you so desperately craved.

-

You're sitting on the couch when he finally returns home. He uncharacteristically quiet. You rise, chewing on your lips.

"V, I-"

He hugs you. "It's okay."

Your eyes water. "No, it's not."

"I was here earlier..." He squeezes you tighter. "I heard everything you said."

By the way he shakes, you can tell he's crying too.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be... Let me help you."

"How can you possibly help?"

"My parents. They own a company. We can get you a job. Mail room, office work, it doesn't matter. We can switch off on the housework, go out more. Please...."

"I don't want to lose you, Y/n."

You crumble, sobbing like a baby as you cling onto him and use his shirt to catch your tears. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You've done so much for me and I was just going to leave."

V hushes you and rubs circles into your back. "It's okay, baby. You'll get better and everything will be okay. Okay?"

You sniffle as he wipes and kisses away your tears. "Okay..."

"Good. I'm gonna go take a quick smoke, but while I do, you go get dressed so we can actually go out tonight. Sound good?"

"Yeah.." You smile a bit. "It does."

"Good." V kisses your forehead and you part ways. Walking outside and leaning against the railing, he pulls put his phone and dials a number. What he didn't expect was an answer on the first ring."

"Hey, Mom?... Yeah, it's me. Listen, I need you to do me a favor. Can you give my partner a job? Nothing too crazy, just something to keep them on their toes. Give them a couple promotions maybe, then fire them in a few months. The cameras in the main building are up to date, right?"

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Tim Stoker X Archival Assistant!reader

Summary: here you go, some headcanons for our Tim and how your relationship would start, enjoy:)

You first met Tim as an archival Assistant. Your first day on the job.

You were joining a bit later than all the others. You still had some things left to finish at your previous position at the Institute and you do not leave things half done.

Tim's first reaction to you was to flirt. To flirt shamelessly:

"Hey gorgeous, what brings you down to our dark, creepy archives?"

It only escalated from here

You were positively flustered (Tim can have that effect even on the most confident of people. No one stands a chance if Tim uses 100% of his charms)

And eventually, you were rescued by a laughing Sasha:

"Come on, Tim! Leave the girl alone! You don't want to scare away a new Archival Assistant"

"Me? I am positively delightful!" Tim put his had on the heart, pretending to be mortaly wounded by Sasha's statement.

"I can't imagine a universe where I'd be scaring away a girl... Especially this charming" he'd finish winking at you, prompting you to laugh lightly.

"So, an Archival Assistant, eh?" Tim continued in a suave tone

"Starting today, yeah" you replied.

"Alas, my prayers have been answered" Tim raised his arms toward the ceiling "I have been graced with seeing your pretty face each morning!"

His flirting didn't stop. In fact, it escalated exponentially over time

The next morning he would greet you with a pick up line. And then the next morning and the next...

He seemed to have an endless supply of them.

Somehow he managed to not repeat a single one.

Definitely uses cute nicknames on you: sweetheart, darling, babe.

Will sometimes try cringy ones just to get a rise out of you.

You knew Tim's reputation, so took all his flirting attempts with a grain of salt.

"You can't have me seriously believing that Tim, 'I can charm a copier if I put my mind to it' Stoker, actually has feelings for me" you laughed.

Sasha sighed. She has just finished listening to Tim's 'Why cant she believe I have feelings for her? I have been so open and genuine about them' rant.

Tim definitely tries distracting you from your work, preventing you from doing anything productive. Any chance he gets:

You were currently sitting at your desk, trying to find any trace online regarding the statement of the week. You were pulled out of your thoughts by wheels skidding on the floor. Looking up you saw Tim on a wheely chair, sliding up next to you.

"Did you know that..."

or another time:

Your peaceful work was interrupted by a paper airplane hitting the side of you head. You looked up and saw a grinning Tim Stoker. He waved at you and motioned for you to unfold the paper. Once you did, you saw a cutesy doodle of you and him holding hands and a bunch of hearts around. You simply raised an eyebrow and put the drawing aside.

Tim was, however, pleasantly surprised, seeing it taped to the side of you computer screen the next day.

Did I mention flirting? I feel like I should mention it again, for good measure. Flirting Lot's of flirting. Lot's of shameless flirting

Sasha definitely notices Tim's feelings for you. Almost instantly.

And she would tease him. Mercilessly. Relentlessly.

She would also take on the role of your biggest shipper. Whenever you and Tim talk, you better believe she is making heart shapes at both of you from a safe distance.

She also uses her amazing computer skills to make cute and embarrassing edits of you two.

Sasha is also, coincidentally, the most amazing wing-woman ever (probably because she had to take action after seeing you and Tim pine for each other relentlessly).

You would be sorting through the statements when she would approach you and ask sneakily:

"So, Tim took you out on a date, yet?"

"No" you'd say and add quietly "Unfortunately"

This wouldn't slip past Sasha's keen ears:

"Unfortunately? So you do want to go on a date with him!"

You'd splutter to deny it, only prompting her to laugh more.

"Maybe if you sent him some more... Positive feedback to his flirting attempts and maybe told him a simple 'yes' to his countless attempts to invite you out... Maybe then, you'd already be smooching and planning your wedding..." Sasha said pointedly and the added more wistfully "and maybe then I wouldn't have to listen to his rants about you"

After quite a restless night you decided to give it a shot. "Why not?" You reasoned. What's the worst thing that can happen? An awkward break up when he realises he doesn't like you that much and having to work with him for at least another year? You decided not to dwell on that much.

Obviously Tim was low-key surprised when instead of shutting down his flirting attempts you flirted back. He was even more surprised when you agreed to go on a date with him.

He nearly lost his composure, but once he finally processed what happened, he beamed at you and tripled his flirting.

Throughout the day he was very hyper and becoming a bit too much to his colleagues and you

But can you blame him? He finally got the green light form you. Of course he's going to rant about it to Sasha. Of course he is going to make small doodles on the margins of his paperwork that he is later to hand in to Jon.

Tim DEFINITELY took you kayaking on you first date:)

It's a great opportunity to flex his muscles and have great fun at the lake.

Chances are you ended up falling into the water:

You were rowing in perfect harmony while exchanging some quips back and forth. It was great. Until Tim said something along the lines of:

"Sure, you're right. Can't argue with that cuteness. You could probably say that the Earth is flat and I'd believe you" he briefly took his hand off the oar to ruffle your hair.

"Hey! If I ever tell you nonsense like that, I expect you to correct me" you turn to smack him with your oar. Tim ducks out of the way, making your kayak rock from side to side.

"Don't do that! We're gonna flip the boat" You say gripping the side of the kayak for balance.

Tim grins wickedly before shifting to the other side, making the kayak careen dangerously "Don't do what? This?" he suddenly goes to the other side.

"Yes! Don't-" you're cut off as the kayak predictably flipped over and you both ended up in the slightly chilly water.

Tim laughed. You prepared to give him an angry tirade, but couldn't help laughing with him.

You got out of the water at some point... Completely soaked through.

You pulled off your shirt and put it to dry, huddling in a blanket, which, by some miracle, wasn't completely wet.

"You sh-should take off your shirt to dry" you told Tim, chattering your teeth.

"Woah! If you wanted to see me shirtless, you didn't have to flip the kayak" Tim said, taking his shirt off "You could've just asked" he smirked at you. Prompting an eye roll.

"You do remember that you were the one who flipped it, right?" You deadpanned raising an eyebrow.

"Hmm...." He pretends to think "Maybe I wanted you to see me shirtless" Tim shrugged and said "Details"

You could only shake your head and laugh.

And of course the only logical solution was to cuddle. For warmth. And because it felt nice

Tim wrapped his arms around your torso and snuggled into your neck, while you fried some marshmallows for s'mores on a campfire.

When you came the next day holding hands, Sasha was extatic.

She might or might not have started planning your wedding.

A/n: anyway, that concludes the headcanons, I hope you like it:) I'm definitely writing headcanons for Dating!! Tim

[atlasscrumpit]

Platonic Miguel x Reader

(A fic where you’re Miguel’s daughter from another reality)

Miguel was exhausted, he sat next to his computer in the spider society, trying his best to not fall asleep.

“Hello?” He heard a voice call out, it sounded like the voice of a child.

He quickly got up and jumped down to see a small girl clutching a teddy with a bandage covering half of her face.

It took him a moment before he realised something.

“Y/N.” He whispered as you looked up at him, he could see absolute fear in your eyes.

“D-Daddy…I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to go wandering, I don’t know how I ended up here, I’m sorry.” You whispered as you began to sob.

Miguel knelt down and looked at you sadly. He knew you weren’t his daughter technically and somehow you’d ended up here in his reality.

“Hey, it’s okay, little one. Do you know how you ended up here?” He asked as you looked at him in confusion.

“I don’t understand, daddy. Why are you wearing a costume?” You asked making him smile a little.

“I know this is confusing, but I’m not your actual daddy. Somehow you’ve ended up in my reality.” He tried to explain, not really knowing how to explain this to a child.

“I don’t understand.” You cried out as Miguel looked at you sadly.

“Here, come with me and I’ll show you something.” He said reaching forward, he noticed you stepped back and clutched your teddy tighter.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” He whispered reassuringly as you slowly stepped forward and let him pick you up.

You held onto him and your teddy as he looked down at you.

"Hold on tight, okay?" He said as you nodded, suddenly he lifted into the air and you held on for dear life.

He landed and slowly placed you down on a chair, you looked around seeing high tech computers surrounding you.

"What is all this stuff?" You muttered, looking around in amazement.

"Well, it helps me with my job. My job is to protect reality." He said as you looked up at him.

"That's so cool... My daddy is an accountant." You muttered making him chuckle softly.

"Can you tell me what happened to your face?" He asked as he knelt down to face where you were sitting.

"Daddy got angry at me and he told me to never tell anyone... But, he has a weird disease that makes him angry and makes his eyes go red and makes him have claws when he's mad. I did something bad and his claws came out and he got me by accident." You explained, looking away from him.

"Is that the first time he's hurt you?" He asked as you looked at him and shook your head a little.

"He's just sad... When Mommy passed away he got really angry." You muttered as Miguel looked at you sadly.

Here he was praying everyday he could have his daughter back and here you were with your father alive that didn't even care for you.

But, he couldn't do anything.

He spent his life making sure stuff like this stayed in order.

"He shouldn't be hurting you like that, little one. He's supposed to love you and take care of you. I wish I could keep you here... With all my heart I wish I could keep you safe for the rest of your life. But, I can't. I have to take you back to your father." He whispered sadly as you looked at him and nodded.

"Okay..." You muttered sadly, practically breaking his heart.

He picked you up in his arms once more before opening a portal back to your world.

He stepped inside and found himself in your room before he tucked you into bed.

"Thank you for helping me." You whispered as he knelt beside your bed.

He brushed his hand through your hair and smiled.

"That's okay, sweetheart. You be good and don't tell anyone about this, okay?" He whispered before kissing your forehead.

"Don't worry, I'll keep it a secret." You said as he looked down at you and smiled softly.

"Goodnight, Y/N." He whispered before he crept out of your room.

He peaked in to see the Miguel in this universe completely asleep.

After a bit of quiet rummaging he found a picture of his deceased wife and placed it on the bedside table of Miguel.

He could interfere but maybe if the him from this universe remembered who he used to be, he would stop the abuse.

But, maybe the was just wishful thinking.

"Please... Please, take care of her."

[flowerpotmage]

Emmm if you’re stilling do kiss prompts can you do #33 with Bucky?

HI ANON I CERTAINLY FUCKIN CAN!!!! I love him so much you dont even know

This oneshot on ao3 here

Prompt list here

Summary: Bucky Barnes enjoys giving our foul-mouthed reader some light hearted teasing, and one day he comes back from a mission injured.

Warnings: Blood, nail biting habits, swearing

Features a gender neutral and undescribed reader, as usual

"Gallant"

"Don't be fucking stupid," you scoff. "Arwen would never pick you over Aragorn."

Bucky grins back at you cheekily. "No? Why not?"

You roll your eyes. "First of all," you begin, gesturing a hand wildly as you sit back in your own seat. "They have a history." You cross your arms, ignoring Bucky’s gaze from where comfortably sprawled in his seat on the opposite side of your desk. "They're basically soulmates. You can't separate that no matter how charming you are." Your eyes widen slightly, and you start to correct yourself. “How charming you think you-!”

"So you think I'm charming?" He leans forward in his seat. "I didn't know you thought so highly-"

"Oh fuck off," you shoot him a glare. "That's not what I said!"

"You said 'no matter how charming you are,' in a conversation about if I could... What was it? 'Pull' Arwen?" He wrinkles his nose at the slang. "It's hardly a stretch."

You roll your eyes. "You're distracting me, Barnes. Do you want me to fuck up this research for your mission?"

He leans back again, hands up in surrender. "I'll go, I'll go."

You keep your glare on him and his badly repressed smirk as he rises and leaves the room, shooting you a grin as he looks back at you from the exit.

You sip the coffee he leaves behind for you, a bribe to get you to add your own time to the research for his mission in two days.

“Damn it,” you hiss, setting it down. “That's fucking delicious.”

---

“You look rough,” Natasha says the next morning, standing in the doorway to your office.

You look up and blink your heavy eyes. “Late night,” you reply, turning to your computer to turn it on. “Got carried away with research.”

“Oh?” She pushes herself off of the doorframe and enters the room. “Researching what?”

“Just extra stuff for Barnes’s mission tomorrow.”

She doesn’t reply, and after a moment of silence you look up at her, to see her smirking.

“What?”

“Late night for Barnes…” She grins, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh shut your smug Russian mouth,” you grumble. “It's just my job.”

“Uh-huh,” she raises her eyebrows. “And who asked you to do the extra research?”

You sigh, and look at her again. Her eyes flick to the empty coffee cup in the corner trash can.

“He bribed me,” you reply flatly, holding her gaze. “You should report me to Pepper. I’m a weak link.”

She laughs at your deadpan expression. “Your secret is safe with me.”

The way her eyes sparkle makes you think she doesn’t just mean the coffee.

---

It’s four days later when you’re leaving a check up on your bad knee in the medical wing of the compound that Barnes returns. It’d be hard to miss when he enters the wing, given that he’s wheeled in on one of Stark’s pretentiously high-tech gurneys and his stomach, and the sheets underneath him, are soaked in blood.

“Hey,” he says, face pale and jaw tense as he’s whisked past you in the hallway.

Your jaw drops. “Barnes?” You chase the group of medical professionals down the hall once you snap out of your shock. “What happened, is he okay?”

“Please wait out here,” one of them says, holding their hands up to stop you from following through the swinging doors.

And you obey, despite your anxiety, knowing that it's best to leave it to the professionals.

“Barnes?” A voice comes from behind you. It’s Natasha, loose pieces of her hair tangled after having escaped from her otherwise surprisingly intact braid. Her hands are clean, but you see the blood that lingers, caught in her fingernails and under the cuff of her sleeve. You’re sure if her uniform wasn’t so deeply black you’d see stains of his blood on the fabric.

“They took him through there,” you gesture at the doors, an arm around your middle. “What happened?” The fingertips of your gesturing hand land on your lips, a remnant of your old nail biting habit.

“It was a kid,” Natasha says. “He was covering a kid from gunfire. Hit him in the side, no vital organs, just a few bullets and a lot of blood.” Even her brow is creased in worry despite her reassurances. “He’ll be okay.”

You just nod. “Yeah.” Your teeth toy with one of your nails, finding their way between the white of it and your skin.

Natasha tsks at you, reaching out to pull your hand from your mouth. “He will. He’s tougher than a few little bullets. I should know.”

You let out a small laugh. “Right.”

“Come on.” She nods her head towards the exit. “I need to clean up and it’ll probably be at least an hour before they’re done cleaning your man up.”

“He’s not-! There’s nothing going on, Natasha,” you insist.

She just quirks a brow at you. “Well. My mistake, then.”

You follow her out to grab a snack while you wait, and she leaves to go shower and change. You return to the medical wing with a pudding cup, eating it absentmindedly in the hallway that feels much too similar to a traditional hospital to relax in. You’ve finished it and are sitting with the empty plastic in your hand when a doctor finds you.

“He’ll be fine,” she says. “With his super soldier healing he’ll probably be up and about in just a few days.”

You sigh in relief.

“You can go in, if you like,” she nods over her shoulder. “He’s just resting now.”

“Thank you,” you say, already halfway through the doors.

Bucky is lying propped on a clean hospital bed when you find his room. He still looks a little pale, although nowhere near as much as when he had been wheeled in. He’s relaxed, as well, jaw unclenched, and head resting against crisp white pillows.

“I heard you got shot up shielding a kid,” you say, and his eyes open to land on you. “That’s pretty fucking gallant, Barnes.”

He smiles, eyes closing. “I’m a gallant man, what can I say?”

You approach his bedside. “How are you feeling?”

He opens his eyes again to look at you. “‘M fine,” he says. “A little sore, from them digging around in there to get the things out, but I’ll be up and about in no time.” A little grin spreads across his lips. “Why, you worried about me, gorgeous?”

Your scowl makes him laugh, which quickly turns to a groan when the sudden muscle movement hurts his injury. You just stare at him, a burning impulse bubbling up in your hands. He sighs, relaxing back into the pillows, when you give in.

You grab the front of his hospital gown and lean in abruptly, pressing a hard kiss onto his mouth before dropping him and pulling away, his head following yours as you retreat.

When you open your eyes, both of you are staring wide eyed at the other. His lips are slightly parted in surprise, and he slowly starts to grin.

“I thought there wasn’t anything going on?” Comes the amused voice of Natasha from behind you, and Bucky grins wider when you throw your hands up in the air in exasperation.

[snugglebug-92]

I want Cole mcward with fluff prompts 5, 10, and 9

5. I thought you couldn't stand me.

9. Shut up and kiss me.

10. You're wearing my shirt.

You loved your job at Ohio State. You liked taking pictures and you had a passion for photography. You also however had a disliking for Cole. It was mainly because he didn't really like you. You thought he was attractive you guys had even gone on a date your freshman year but after winter break everything changed. Now you were well into your sophomore year and you stopped letting him bother you.

As Scooter skates over to where you are standing as you get iced by Cole. You shiver as your body is soaked by the ice melting on your skin.

"Go change into my extra shirt," Scooter says as you walk to the locker room. You grab the first shirt you see in Scooter's stall and slip your sweatshirt off replacing it with the t-shirt. You grab your media jacket and slip it on before heading back out. You take pictures of the boys as they skate around and upload them to your computer as coach talks to the boys. They all file off the ice except Cole. He skates 15 laps before coming off the ice.

"Sorry about him. I made him do laps to make up for it," Coach says before going to his office. By the time Cole is done in the shower, the locker room is empty. He walks to his stall in just a towel and puts his shorts on before coming into your little office.

"You're wearing my shirt," he says looking at you.

"No I'm not this is Scooter's, shit," you sigh as you go to slip it off. You throw it at Cole and walk into the locker room grabbing Scooter's shirt before slipping it over your head. Cole slips the shirt on and leaves you alone to edit the photos.

The next day at practice Cole leaves you alone which is slightly surprising. Maybe the 15 laps drilled some sense into him. As you are walking back towards your office he stops you and pulls you aside.

"I need your help," he sighs.

"And I thought you couldn't stand me," you laugh continuing to walk to your office. Cole follows after you and sits down in the other chair by your desk.

"Please," he begs.

"Cole we hate each other," you shake your head.

"Please,"

"No,"

"Please Y/N."

"What McWard," you snap. He flinches clearly taken aback and looks at you with your response.

"I don't hate you for starters and I need film," he says running a hand through his hair.

"I already sent film to Vancouver and a few other teams that we're interested in you. I don't hate you and I want you to succeed in your career," you respond.

"How did you?"

"BCC means blind carbon copy. I got the same email you did and sent the film," you smile.

"God I could kiss you right now," Cole says spinning around in the chair.

"Do it," you challenge.

"What?" he questions.

"Shut up and kiss me," you smirk and you can barely breathe before his lips are on yours. You tangle your hands in his hair as he picks you up and places you on the edge of your desk. The two of you make out while door David walks to the door seeing why the two of you got so quiet all of a sudden hoping you guys didn't kill each other. His eyes go wide as he sees Cole slip his tongue into your mouth and he shuts the door.

"So do we need a new photographer or a new defenseman?" Jake laughs wrapping his arm around the boy.

"Neither. They were being civil for once," David shrugs before leaving the boys to their own devices.

[early20sfailingplenty]

I was genuinely brave today and I wanna tell the Sinclairs about it but I can't so I'm telling all of you🥹🥹🥹

Okay so yesterday when I was grocery shopping, my work senior texted me to ask if I wanted to drop one of my shifts so I would have more time for uni. That WOULD help me out BUT financially I cannot afford to lose £2-300 a month. It was just sprung on me and instead of making a snap decision I asked if I could have time to think on it and promised to tell her my decision tomorrow (today). So I think on it, I got upset and angry (still haven't quite figured out yet why I got defensive but I think it's because the way she asked me, made me feel like she was saying I'm incapable of working four days a week and doing a degree. That's NOT what she was saying, but that was my snap emotional response. Obviously I didn't act on it and just asked her for thinking time). I do all my numbers once I'm home and yes, I canNOT afford to lose that money but yes it would help me academically. So time or money, which is it?? I picked money, I had to. Mum agreed, dad disapproved last night but this morning told me he agreed with me. So, fine, it's decided. So then today, I go into work, and half hour before the end of my shift, my work senior comes up to me and says, are you ready? I say yes, we find a quiet room.

HERE'S WHERE I WAS BRAVE.

Okay so she asked me again if I wanted to drop a shift to make uni easy on me and I said no thank you, financially I can't afford it but also I just REALLY love my job and I wanna stay on my four days a week. I didn't hesitate, and I didn't hold back. I was truthful and honest and I was as polite as possible given how angry I was yesterday. She then said that she loves having me on her team and doesn't want me to lose any hours either but she's just thinking about me and my mental health because she doesn't want to find out that I've been awake for 32 hours between work and uni EVER again because I'm one of her girls and if that's happening then she isn't doing her job to take care of us properly. So then I pulled out my notebook and showed her what needs to be revised between now and October and what this year will be like (see below pictures. This is the PREP WORK alongside learning an entire computer software programme we will use regularly AND six online labs to complete).

And she sat and thought for a moment because I refuse to compromise on my job not only because I'm stubborn but also because I just genuinely can't afford losing that kinda money and then she asked for all of my assignment deadline dates, all my lecture dates, etc etc and I gave them to her (I don't have lecture dates or group project dates yet because I get them in mid September) and she wrote them in her diary and said that she's gonna make sure that I have at least two days off in a row for all of those weeks so I can fully concentrate on my assignments and she asked that when I get the other info, that I give them to her so she can pencil me in as needing a day off. She also said that when I get my textbooks and the platform opens up, to bring my laptop into work and she's gonna sit down with me and work out a day by day plan for the first week and then I can copy that for all the other weeks so that I have time for my job AND uni AND free time without sacrificing one or the other.

I'm so so happy, I was expecting to be forced to give up one shift a week and I expected to be forced into what I didn't want but she listened and was so lovely and accommodating and good to me.😭😭😭 AND THEN SHE DROVE ME HOME BECAUSE MY KNEE STILL ISN'T FULLY HEALED BUT IT ALMOST IS😭😭😭😭😭honestly she was so kind it genuinely stunned me and I feel like I'm waiting for the shoe to drop...

And I just.... Proud Sinclairs because I'm getting braver and more vocal and confident???? Please have I earned Bo's smirk and Vincent's approving "mmf" and Lester's sunshine smile???😭😭😭😭

I'm getting so much braver now and saying no more often and pushing back and finding the spine my abusers took from me almost a decade ago. I'm doing it I'm doing itttt and now I just gotta keep good on my promise and make it work and not lose myself in the process...

[sadwinning]

Devlog 1 (1/25/24): Why This Is Pointless

In my intro post, I mentioned how it would be much easier to map the 12 chromatic notes of Western music to the 3 action buttons and 8 directions of Undertale, and how I won't be doing that for purely aesthetic reasons. I also want to mention why everything I'm doing to my violin is completely stupid.

If you want to follow in my footsteps, you shouldn't do it the way I'm doing it. You probably can't.

My violin is a Yamaha EV-205 five-string electric from the late aughts/early 10's. I recently learned that this violin is no longer in production, so there's no way your standard Joe Schmoe can pick up this tutorial, nor would they want to if they were in the market for an electric violin, because they already sell electric violins that are MIDI controller enabled. You should buy that and follow the software specs of CZR drums and their MIDI-to-controller software partner/whatever. I simply do not want to spend more money on an electric violin when I already have one with the right hardware (individual pickups for each of the five strings). So I will be voiding the warranty that likely no longer exists and busting open my violin to see what I can patch together.

When I busted this component (pictured above) open I immediately found a not-so-complex PCB where I could locate each of the individual string inputs. I have yet to see whether those ports will give me the inputs I need - golly, I have yet to learn how to solder enough to access those ports!! - but the visibility gives me hope. it doesn't look hard, especially for someone who has been low-key interested in soldering for like 15 years (since my Pokemon Gold copy's battery died and I learned the ways to replace it) but I can't say I know exactly what data flows through that part of the circuit and how easy it would be to extract and manipulate.

I've done a lot of research into what I would need to take analog audio signal(s) and transform them into MIDI or some other binary/digital data. The first thing I found was an Arduino library, so I knew this wouldn't be hard. I only have one Arduino (knock-off) and I didn't like the idea of buying four more (one for each string) to get the MIDI values when I would probably be connected to a computer the whole time no matter what.

This led me to where I'm sitting pretty right now, at a Python library (Python being my favorite language) that uses its GitHub .md file to explain why Markov chains are important. Reader, do you know how much I love Markov chains? Did you know that in my sophomore year of college I created a musical AI by programming Markov chains in Python??? How is it that all of my interests loop in upon each other in the same way that my first and only job out of college involved natural language processing in Python just like my senior project where I did language analysis on okcupid profiles???? Is time in fact a flat circle? I don't have time to think about this because I want to program violin to play undertale pleas

Where I'll be starting is with this library and with monophonic input (one note at a time rather than interpreting multiple notes at once e.g. multiple strings played simultaneously) to make a controller of any kind work. But I have a lot of reading to do to see how Markov chains are involved. With it being both Python and linear algebra, I have the capacity to adjust the code to do whatever I want it to do. Given this insane opportunity I can't not do all the research possible to finetune things to my precise desires. If I were satisfied with "good enough", I would be playing monophonic input the whole way through. Let's go insane, boys.

[marvel-and-chicago-fan]

Happy Meals And Hotels

Matildas age: 4

Pretty small one, this is one of my favorite ones ive written, although it dosent stand where i want it and the writting is off i still like it

Jays pov

Today, Me, Matilda and Will are heading up to our cabin for winter break. Currently I'm going to pick up matilda earlier from school than we had originally planned. The forecast says for heavy snow, even though me and Will can drive through the snow, we decided that we didn't want to go through it with Matilda in the car because of how young she is. 

I walk up to the receptionist so I can check Matilda out.

“Mr. Halstead, Will dropped off Matilda 2 hours ago. Your usual pick up times not for another 3 hours” She said while typing on her computer

“Yeah, I was supposed to pick her up in an hour but with the forecast we wanted to get ahead of the storm so we can head up to the cabin for the holidays.” I replied

“Ah, I see. I’ll call Mrs. Norris to bring her up.” She says with a smile while picking up the phone

“Hi, This is Cora from the front desk. Do you think you can send one of your assistants down to bring up Matilda Halstead? She's getting checked out for the day.”

She puts down the phone and looks back at me “She’ll be down in a minute.”

“Thank you so much” I say with a smile

I go to sit down while I wait for Matilda. I hear a little voice that I love to hear every single day. “JJ, I missed you!” She says while she runs up to hug me

“I missed you too Mattie bug” 

“Why are you picking me up early, JJ?” She looks up to me

“Me and will have a huge surprise for you”

“Really?”

“Really, So let's hurry up and get in the car

I buckle Matilda in her carseat and start driving to wills

***

Wills pov

“Hey will, the snow is coming down really hard and I don't think we should keep going. There's a hotel down the road” He says

“Yeah i was about to call you to say the same thing, Matties asleep and i can she thats shes uncomfortable in the car seat.” I say adjust my mirror so i can see Mattie better

“Ok, I'll call ahead to see if they have any available rooms. Make sure you get all your stuff because im not sharing any of my stuff with you” 

“Whatever will, keep your eyes on the road” He jokes

“Yeah yeah bye, jay”

“Bye will”

I pull up at the hotel Jay sent me and I call them. “Hi, do you have any rooms available for 3 people?”

“Yes but we don't have any regular rooms available, We only have suites available”  The man said

“That's fine, can you hold that room for Will Halstead, I’ll pay when we get to the front desk.” I tell the man

“Sure, The room will be on hold for two hours and then it will be up for whoever wants it”

“Thank you” I click the hang up button

Just then Mattie wakes up

“Willy, are we there yet?” She tiredly 

“No Mattie were gonna stop at a hotel for the night”

“but i wanted to play with my toys at the house” She complains

“You have some toys in your bag, you can play with those in the hotel room. I promise to buy you a new toy when we get back home.”

“Ok”

We sit in silence while pulling up to the hotel then she breaks the silence “Willy i'm hungry”

“Did you finish all your snacks?” I question how a 4 year old can eat that many snacks in a few hours.

“No JJ ate some of them and then dey fell on the ground when he put me in my chair” 

“We're gonna have some words with Jay on how he shouldn't eat your snacks aren't we?” I chuckle

“Of course willy” She laughs

“And its they not dey Mattie” I correct her

“They?” 

“Good job”

***

jays pov

“Jay shes 4 you can’t just not feed her” will sighs

“Well i'm not just gonna run out to mcdonalds to get her some food”

“Please JJ I'm really really hungry and I want a happy meal.” She gives me that puppy dog face

I finally cave in because who can't say no to that face. “Fine, Will you want the usual?”

“Sure, i just want a coke instead of a sprite this time” He responds

“Gottach, I’ll be back in like 35ish minutes”

***

Gosh, it's so cold. If I drop this food now Matildas going to have a tantrum at one in the morning and will give me that look when he wakes up in the morning because he got no sleep because a toddler cried all night. 

I walk into the hotel to see people begging for rooms and others yelling because they prioritize families with young children. If I need to intervene then I will but for now I don't need everyone knowing that there's a detective here with a small child.

As the elevator closes I can hear a lady arguing that I was allowed to go through and she wasn't.

***

Jays pov

“Alright, i got her an extra large fries that she can snack on and eat with her food so she doesn't eat ours.” I Say while taking out the food from the bag “I got the container that the pancakes come in so she can put her food on a plate.”

“Wait- where is mattie?: I look around the room for her nowhere to be seen

“She's in the closet” Will says as he points to the door

“Why”

“She got mad because i left the ipad charger in the car when her ipad died, then when she asked for my work computer i said for her to wait and let me set it up. She had a tantrum about wanting it now then ran into the closet.”

“She’ll get over it, she's probably just cranky.  She's been in the car seat for 10 hours and she hasn't eaten anything. Oh and can you grab a mug a and wash it in the sink so i can heat up some milk”

***

“Thank you for the food JJ.” I smiled

“Your welcome mattie.” He said with smile

“Ok off the bed, it's almost 2 in the morning and we’ll leave at 12 if possible.” Will said, cleaning up all the food that I threw on the floor.

***

“Is she finally asleep?” jay asked me

“Yep, I looked at the weather and it looks like we’ll be here for another day or two. So i’ll drive down to the store that a couple blocks from here and get some stuff”

“Alright, night will” he mumbled

“Night jay” I said switching the lights off

Now that ive read it i kinda hate it compared to my new story :l

[squirrelno2]

Jesse Lives AU, pt 5

(learned my lesson, wrote this on Google docs even though I hate it. This experience of course will still not get me to take my computer in to the repair shop because executive dysfunction is Real)

For real this time, Jesse and Jale get the hell away from the Venator wreck, and it's the last time for a while I milk the image of the clone graves for angst. In this series anyway.

Previous: 1, 2, 3, 4

Next

"I still need that monitor," Jale said. Jesse once again wondered why he'd gone along with the crazy theelin.

"You can't reach it," he pointed out, not sure why he was bothering.

"It's grab that or go raid the medbay," Jale said. Jesse had been avoiding medical since Kix disappeared, and he certainly wasn't going to go in there now with the bodies of vode Maul had attacked lying there, dead in the midst of recovery. He was having a hard enough time not thinking things like "Kix would have saved them" as it was.

"Fine. Just… stay there for a second. Don't do anything stupid, if you can manage it."

He knelt to untie the rope from around the walkway, then put it around Jale's waist. He pulled it tight with more effort than he needed, and ended up tugging Jale closer. Jesse stepped back; he was not at all struck by the fact that Jale's eyes were brown when the rest of them was so brightly colored.

"Keep one hand on that," he commanded. Jale almost immediately ignored him as they turned back to the monitor they wanted, leaning out once more with one hand on the equipment to steady it as they worked. Jesse gritted his teeth and wrapped the rope around his hands another time, bracing himself for Jale's next dumb move.

Amazingly, the scavenger managed to finish the job this time, and they threw themself backwards with the monitor clutched to their chest. The walkway shuddered under them. Jesse, having no desire to die for this bottom-feeder, tugged Jale up.

"Let's go before your bullshit brings the whole place down." He got to work untying the rope once more, then resecured it to the walkway.

The descent was more painful than Jesse wanted to admit. His head was pounding, and all the activity was reminding him just how many cuts and bruises he'd picked up in the crash. Normally, he'd already have gotten looked at by a medic. Even with Kix gone Jesse couldn't bring himself to ignore his brother's advice, and the medics in the 332nd were willing to come to him instead of forcing him into the medbay. They all remembered Kix, too.

But now Jesse was really, fully alone, and when he staggered upon reaching the floor he realised again what that meant.

Rather than dwell, he looked at Jale.

"Tell me that's the last of it."

For a second, he thought the scavenger would protest. Then, strangely, Jale nodded.

"We can go," they said.

The wind had picked up. As they reached the place where Jale left the speeder, Jesse heard a rattling - helmets knocking against the sticks on which they were mounted. He lifted his gaze to the sky and tried not to listen.

Jale made him sit in front, though they were also emphatic about Jesse not being the one to drive.

"Can you even see over my head?"

"Your bloody head? Yes. Good thing you don't have hair. If you wanna drive, stand up and walk in a straight line for me."

Jesse had thought his unsteadiness had gone unnoticed. He scowled as Jale finished securing the fuel to the speeder and sat down behind him.

"Was there anything else you needed?" Jale asked awkwardly. Jesse tensed.

Clones didn't have much. Armour, blasters, whatever contraband they picked up over the years. Jesse's small collection of the latter had been passed over to Kix when he became an ARC trooper, and subsequently disappeared with Kix. The blasters were technically the property of the Republic, which no longer existed and also had ordered Jesse to point them at his two Commanders for reasons he didn't understand.

As for his armour…

He turned to look at the place where his helmet was mounted. Jale turned, too, and sucked in a sharp breath that told Jesse they'd figured out what he was looking at.

"I'm good," he said. He passed Jale the helmet he'd borrowed. "Let's go."

[wonderfuldeath]

.o| It's a small world : XVIII |o.

Warnings : Violence, injury, graphic depictions, sex

Please, consider supporting me on Ko-Fi ! ♥

« - When I got old enough to understand what I wanted out of life, my parents didn't fully understand why men would be what I wanted in a sexual life partner, and so they simply kicked me out. »  

Alone, lost, without a single penny in my pocket, I had to wander from street to street, house to house, and season to season. I was lost, broken, I didn't fully understand what was happening to me, I wanted to go home, but I couldn't. So I had to do what I had to do. So I had to do what anyone would do to survive. Stealing, I did petty shoplifting, jewelry, phones, computers. Whatever passers-by left lying around ended up in the only thing that really belonged to me, my school bag. I'd sell it back for a small price, enough to eat a bit, take showers, get new clothes. It was the hardest year of my life, and very often I thought of death coming for me, clutching at my throat. And I refused to give up, my petty thefts turned into a full-time job, I stole everything I could, going after very rich men. And when I met them, I still don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Not everything is black and white after all. 

« - Hey kid, what you got there? 

- Nothing mister, I don't know what you're talking about.

- The kid's messing with me, I saw you took something out of my buddy's jacket. »  

Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok entered my life like a hurricane, I'd made a mistake, I hadn't seen Hoseok behind my back, and I felt safe. I had stolen Yoongi's wallet without thinking, seeing only the profit of the money that was sure to fill it. But they didn't take it that way, and I found myself dragged along behind them to join their bosses, wanting to know what could obviously be done with a simple thief like me. Kim Namjoon was someone who scared the hell out of me at the time, terrifyingly cold and self-assured. His eyes pierced my soul and I knew that my life had just taken a turn, like a hurricane in the rainy season, I had understood why my life had been hell up to now. 

« - What took you so long? Who's this guy? 

- A kid who thought it was funny to steal from Yoongi. 

- Did he see something wrong? 

- Maybe we should get rid of him? »   

The coldness of the handgun against my temple had frozen me, death was back taunting me, dancing before my eyes, taking the form of three men staring at me like prey, I didn't know where my courage to speak had come from. I didn't beg for my life, I didn't have the means, but I didn't want everything to end as easily as a simple bullet between my eyes. 

« - Wait! I can be useful to you! »   

Namjoon's hand rose, and the spying eyes became questioning, for several short seconds, seeming to be several eternities blending together, I took deep breaths, before beginning my plea, hoping to convince them to let me live and why not join their company. I saw in them the right to take back my life, get off the streets and resume a normal sixteen-year-old life. 

« - We're listening. How can you help us? 

- I'm good at stealing. Or even getting people to believe in me. Let me help you, redeem myself. Give me something to show I'm useful, and you won't regret it. »   

There was silence again, as everyone seemed to be weighing up the pros, and a new face appeared with a petty laugh. Kim Seokjin had arrived like a rose petal, his eyes shining with mischief and laughter, he applauded without anyone quite understanding why, before sitting down on the desk, and despite Namjoon's presence, even he lowered his gaze to face the oldest of the bunch. 

« - You're really going to shoot a kid because Yoongi doesn't know how to be careful? He managed to pick the pocket of one of our own. If Hoseok hadn't been there, would you have stopped him? 

- But Jin...

- We'll keep him. I don't want to know Namjoonie. He looks lost, he needs help. Not a bullet. Me alive, no gun's gonna do anything to him. Am I clear? »   

No need for words, everyone was silent, but approved. I was free again, without really being free. But at least I had a roof over my head, something to eat, and I even went back to school, fully financed by their group of thugs. All of them had had, at some point, something that had brought them down to earth: Yoongi's parents had died, Hoseok had had to flee violence, Namjoon and Seokjin were wanted criminals for their eating habits, forced by their respective parents. No one ever asked questions, learning from each other's scars without having to speak up, it was more a matter of guessing than anything else anyway, some things never deceived. Life went on like this for two long years, as the group grew in size and power, shaking the city to its core. This put us in the spotlight of bigger, stronger, bigger bands. Heisukei Damarro's group came upon us one spring, finding our base with disconcerting ease. 

« - Here are the little larvae who are taking over my strip. Do you know how much you've cost me in two years? Your miserable little lives won't even be enough to make you pay back a tenth. 

- Are we responsible for your decline, when you leave your business in ruins? 

- Abandoned? I've had some... problems, sure. But abandoned? »   

To be honest, I hated Damarro, full of himself, sure of himself, it seemed like every time he talked to someone, he always thought he was more important than they were. But he was stronger, more present, so Namjoon had no choice but to accept his proposal: work for an abject man like him or die. I would have chosen death, if I'd had the choice. But it was the group or no one, so I took my place in the great Heisuke Damarro's hierarchy, and if we were thugs, he was a mixture of all that was worst in the human species. A monster in a suit, who didn't hesitate for a second to test children, using them as tools, mere toys for his terrible purpose. His companion was sterile, and he would tell us so whenever he had the chance, but he needed a perfect child, something of his own blood. So he began to experiment, more and more despicable. Harder and harder. And Kiyeon came into my life. I held him there, a baby, a tiny little thing in my arms, his big black eyes looking at me, his adorable little cheeks and his smile. It was all too much for me, and we fled with the boys, wanting to get out of this hell, and save this child doomed to death by his genetics. 

« - We had gained power thanks to Heisukei, so it wasn't long before we made a powerful name for ourselves and earned enough to live more than humbly. »   

Silence reverberated in the large bedroom. Taehyung had followed what Jungkook had asked of him, he hadn't spoken, hadn't cut sentences, letting the man express himself. He'd stopped breathing, how could someone like him have such a terrible, lopsided life. Jungkook hadn't cried, but he'd felt tears welling up in his eyes, flowing in a flood of emotions that had overwhelmed him. With one hand against his mouth, he tried not to let the sadness shake him until it shook his soul, and the younger man couldn't help but come to comfort him. 

« - I'm sorry... If I'd known I...

- Shh, it's nothing. I didn't tell you all this to make you feel bad, or to make you feel sorry for me. I just want you to understand what it means to be with Jeon Jungkook. 

- And I accept that. I want to be with you through the bad times, as well as the good. But I don't want lies, I only want the truth. Jungkook, I couldn't bear my life without you. But I also couldn't bear it if you lied to me again. »   

A slight smile passes Jungkook's lips, and he caresses the moist cheeks of the man he loves, coming to embrace him in a kiss first tender, then increasingly hot, torrid. Light moans pass Taehyung's lips, and he lets himself lie back in bed, before hearing the little mouth noise, drawing a growl of frustration from Jungkook, and a genuine laugh from Taehyung. 

« - Are you playing leapfrog? Can I join you? Does this mean I've got a new daddy?! 

- Kiyeon... Come if you like. »   

[xtrablak674]

[Originally published in Fashion Fag Magazine Vol 1 No 4 November-December Issue 1995 based on a story I wrote in college.]

Man O’ Da House

A Story About My Mother’s Goin’ Home

Mommy!

Mommy?

Mommy.

Where are you? I can't see you. Where did you go? Why is it so dark? Mommy!! Why did you leave me Mommy? Mommy!!!

I sit and wake up in a cold sweat and look over toward the window. The sun is glaring through the metallic Venetian lines, leaving parallel lines of sunlight on the wall. I soon forget what I was dreaming about and my sense of foreboding. As if in suspended animation the air in the room is deathly still. I break the serenity, get up, lean over and turn on the idiot box. I Dream of Jeannie is on, so that means its about six or six-thirty in the morning.

I lie back down and contemplate how I'm gonna approach Mom about the job with the Daily News delivering papers. Mrs. Church my baby sitter said I could get the job if Mom agreed. My birthday is five days away and I am gonna be eleven. As Mom always says 'I am da man o' da house', and she needs help making ends meat. I don't want to have to ask her for money all the time; I hate doing that.

I leave the placidity of my bedroom and walk into the living room to confront Mom. I stop at the threshold and gaze into the room; something is different it mirrors my room with its dead calm. The ever constant old color TV breaks the tranquility, and yet it doesn't it seems to blend into the background and take the form of a voyeur.

I break the static and cross to the head of the couch where Mommy rests. She looks uncomfortable yet at peace, with one leg propped up on the back of the couch, clad in bra and panties, one eye partially open but not enough for her to be awake. This is a regular sleeping position for her.

"Mrs. Church says I could get a job wit' the Daily News if you say it's OK I think I should get it, besides I'm turning eleven and Mrs. Church says I can. So what do you say?"

I look down into her face after my speech awaiting a response.

Silence.

"Well?"

Silence.

"Then forget you then. But Mrs. Church says I can!"

I suck my teeth and storm out of the room. How could she ignore me? Just who does she think she is? Well Mrs. Church says I can have the job. Besides I'm at Mrs. Church's house more then I'm here.

Realization.

Like a wave washing over a beached fish a thought comes to me. What if she's playing dead? A game in recent years she played with my younger brothers and me. I remember how the last time we played it, she woke from her feigned state of eternal rest after I had jokingly picked up the phone and pretended to call the police. My brother Monte didn't like the game and always grew very upset when ever she played it the frequency seeming greater over the last few months. 

I liked it because I could prove to her that I knew how to keep a level head in a dangerous or erratic situation the same way I did when my youngest brother Choan cut open his knee o the bone, and I carried him to this local convenience store to call for help. Blood was gushing all over the place and I kept a cool head, applying pressure to the wound and barking orders to the frazzled attendant of the store. I knew that if she died and we were alone I would keep the situation under control because I was da man o' da house.

Wise to her scheme I walked slowly back into the living room to prove myself more clever. The television blaring like an entity from the Poltergeist movie seemed to prod me on. I stopped at the head of the couch and reached down and touched her forehead.

It is cold.

Are people supposed to be cold when they're asleep? My mind began to race to find an answer to this anomaly. Bad information was put into the program and the computer was malfunctioning. Well your body shuts down at night to conserve energy and repair itself, its logical that it would reduce it's temperature to conserve energy.

I hurry down the hallway to test my new theorem on my brothers. Their shared bedroom is at the back of the apartment the room is chilly but filled with a glow of energy that reminds me of the way you feel after a long hot bath. Monte is closest to the door.

I reach to touch his forehead.

It's warm.

Something isn't right I feel the room began to spin around me, I grab the door frame to steady myself and shake my head to regain focus. Monte is my junior but I think he might be able to help me assess the situation a bit better and shed some light on my confusion.

I shake him.

"Monte I think something is wrong. I felt Mommy's head and it feels cold. Are people cold when they're asleep?"

Before I can finish trying to explain he rushes down the hallway in a frenzy his footsteps sound like a bell tolling in my head as I follow him and find him at the couch shaking Mom and screaming.

"Mom wake up! Mommies wake up! Mom!!"

I am surprisingly calm as I look at him wondering why he's freaking out so. I am feeling a little dizzy, and thinking is getting hard its like trying to run through a pool when the water is above your head. I decide we need an adult intervention and I call Mrs. Church to ask her what to do.

"Hello this is Trevor. Can I speak to Mrs. Church?"

"Hi Trevor it's Mrs. Church. What's the matter?"

"Mrs. Church something is wrong. Mom's forehead feels cold, really cold and she doesn't want to wake up."

I look over at Monte he is crying and holding Mom's hand.

"Listen Trevor calm down and call 911. Then after you call them call me back and let me know what they say"

I am calm, why did she say that?

"OK I'll call you back."

I hang up and look up Chaon is rubbing his eyes and making his way down the hallway.

"Chaon go and sit with Monte and watch TV"

He shuffles oblivious to the foot of the couch between Mom's feet. It's his usual sitting position. Everything is fine here. He groggily sits and stare into the void of the TV not for one moment seeming to acknowledge Monte's visible distress or my rising since of uneasiness.

I pick up the phone and dial 911.

The room seems as if its getting darker even though its mid morning.

"911 Emergency Services. How may I help you?"

"HimynameisTrevorBrownandIthinkthereissomethingthematterwithmymother"

"Trevor. Trevor, calm down and tell me what's the matter."

Why do people keep saying that I am calm.

Breathe. Exhale.

"My mother's head feels really cold... really cold and she won't wake up."

"Trevor slow down and give me your address and I'll send an ambulance over right away OK?"

"MYNAMEISTREVORBROWNILIVEAT1101BROWNSTREETPEEKSKILLNEWYORKAPARTMENT5GZIPCODE10566"

"Thank you Trevor, help is on the way you will be fine"

I didn't feel fine.

The air in the room felt like orange marmalade thick and heavy I felt as if it was getting harder to catch my breath and think. 

I call Mrs. Church gives her an update and she tells me she is going to send her son Marvin over to pick us up and to get dressed. I tell Monte and Chaon to go get dressed. When Monte and Chaon  come back we all sit on the couch and watch Tom & Jerry. It is very hard to focus on the cartoon antics, my mind races over the mornings events wondering if there is something I should have done differently. I look over at Monte's tear streak face and wish I could be as free as him to let go but I don't have that luxury I am da man o' da house and I have got to be strong and keep the situation under control.

I sit quietly dry eyed and wait.

After what seems like a lifetime the intercom rings, I jump up and answer it. It's Marvin and the paramedics. I buzz them in and mindlessly sit back down. I look into Mom's face making a mental note to never forget the expression that is written across it. No more pain of chemotherapy and losing her left breast and hair, or the men in her life hurting her, or even the Cinderella-like betrayal of her family. No more worrying about how she was going to feed us, clothe us, no more rent, no more work for her grey streaked hair. The calmness on her face is like a serene lake in the mountains untouched by mortal hands.

A knock on the door interrupts my inflection. I drift to the door and open it. The paramedics dash through the door and over to the couch.

Too late.

Marvin follows the room is taken over by loud commands and noisy machinery . Marvin tells us to go down to the car out back and wait for him. I try to see what they are doing to Mom but I am pushed out along with my brothers. Wait don't they know I am da man o' da house? I should be right there besides my mother seeing what is going on. But in the rush of everything and the reality that I am just a child I am ignored and so I join my brothers in Marvin's yellow car.

This was the last time I saw my mother.

Within the next few days of which I have little to no recollection I was eventually shuffled off to the Bronx to live with my paternal grandparents and my brothers off to live with my Cousin Margaret. What about a funeral or memorial you ask? They said we were too young to go to a funeral that we would not have understood or know how to behave.

TOO YOUNG to mourn your mother's death the woman who had carried you for nine months in her belly, breast fed you at her teat, the woman you had lived your entire life with? Too young to say good bye to someone who fed clothed and nurtured you, who defended you when people were out to hurt or mislead you? Too young indeed!

To this day I do not know anything about the disposition of my mother's remains. I heard she was cremated and buried, but I don't know cause of death. Some say it was cancer, some say it wasn't whose to believe. No one has answers to my questions when I ask them. I know that some day I will find her and let her know her man o' da house is doing alright.

[Photos by Brown Estate]

[the-firebird69]

There's a whole bunch of different colleges in California this is at a famous One most of them are famous but this is a famous campus. It's because my husband used to go there and it's in LA and it's near the downtown area where he works and that was more or less koreatown at the time I need to go near it to the mall to eat and take a break from a Liam place it was very lame. But it's a job and he went over it and went to the campus once and it was University of California Los Angeles he's been there before because he visited his brother I didn't realize how close he was to it and walked around the whole campus with his brother we just looked at it a few times when he was there and he didn't like it. A lot of people don't like the place it's like here it's crazy people think they're right by being crazy. So he left the company and it was some bad terms and it's angry and he should be and they got excited about it they got excited about it and they shouldn't they're the ones who are doing it and they're all like bothering him for stuff the whole time and the commute was a disaster so you got another job but you guys were doing that to him a lot and you really need to pay you're so stupid people owe him tons of money too he's trying to take tons of stuff losers as well worth it it sucks losers you hardly noticed. Now we're going to take a ton of stuff and he sees it too you going up to Chicago and that area and it's still there and it's still plants and things like that I'll crammed in and you're moving stuff to LA a lot of it you're flying out and you're forcing it out and you're threatening my husband so we're going to start taking that stuff just threatening him for you you're going to lose it

Hera

A lot of you are deaf but it's in writing so you can read it over and over

Zues

I'm going to do this work and get it done and take their stuff and sitting there taunting us and they're fighting Mac over the hardware and parts and part hardware and all the machines and you can see the patterns of the ocean that goes east and sometimes West and sometimes it's full West of the California coast and we can imitate almost any of you and take it so stick it up your ass

Thor Freya

So sick of you and your dumb mouth bja. Recently we discovered something her son's system is working he has this idea and it's greatness and it is really nice to have you build stuff and he says it's Thor and Freya and he does it too but they actually spearheaded this movement and kind of going he's trying to do it and he's working on it and yeah he did start it and he kind of got lost in it and it's trying to run two or three of them and has nothing to write down on no desk no computer and we picked up a few door fraya pushed it through and Thor and really Hera picked it up and I don't know what happened but that kicked the whole thing off it was with Barbie and it became just an overnight sensation with that Corvette and now the Rolls-Royce and the other Corvette and then several other cars a few of them are Asian and people are painting their cars pink it's crazy right now we have millions of orders in for the Rolls-Royce and it's more than that but there's other people making them total number of orders is very huge but we don't want to say it it's a lot and granted we have chassis too and people are buying those and we're going to be sending them out shortly we are having a little difficulty where's the cone is not drinking but we still managed to ship them out because everyone else is and it's moving out shortly a huge loads of new cars too and new trucks are going to the lots all over the world and if they don't want in Florida that's fine that's not the case Mac is bringing them in and some others are bringing them in not a huge amount but they are and it's working tonight there's going to be a huge disturbance because people are seeing why they're bringing the vehicles and stuff let me find each other but it's normal. You have some issues here and we're going to help out with them they don't seem to be getting fixed in any way and we need them fixed

Olympus

We have a plan for the septic and it's going to work we just need to get it going it's kind of dangerous for him to be there while the work's going on and it says it you can leave for a half a day and pull it out and put a tank in and buried and that's no big deal we're doing it out back then we have to do it out front and it is dangerous I would rather have them out of there so people don't try and wreck the building and we know how to do that too it's not a big deal so we're going to head with the plan

Stan

It's about time old man everybody's giving us so much s***

Dan

Yeah and it makes sense and that's one reason why we're fighting you

Trump

Okay so I get it but still it's going to get done and it's a real pain in the ass this stupid stuff has to be moved out and people have to be able to poop and piss when a pain in the ass it's very gross too this dumb freaking system it says it's really the sand is the water gets up there if it jams a little and the sand goes down and hype a little and I know it is cuz I was pulling it out and I was showing him it won't take much to fix it when we have to do it temporarily I want to pay the ass it's every time it's a huge chore just to get someone to do it I'm kind of sick of this s***

Stan it's not funny but he's laughing like giddy cuz nobody wants to do it I'm going to take a s*** and piss it's horrible we have to do this